Brea

My little Brea,
You amaze me! You're speaking in full sentences now, and you'll say anything and everything that comes to your mind. It cracks us up! Lately it's been hard for us to understand some of what you're saying, but I think because all of a sudden you'll talk about things that aren't around. You'll say abstract things. Where as before you would tell us what you needed and wanted, and most of the things would be visible. Now, you might be telling us about what you saw outside, or in your room. I love it! You're also singing a lot more! You can sing the ABC's and Twinkle, Twinkle all by yourself. You can count to 10, although I don't know that you couldn't do more. It's easiest when you have things to count, then you'll do it by yourself. If we count with you sometimes you wait til we say the numbers first. You recognize the letters in your name, not 100% of the time, but I don't think it's a coincidence any more. You've been naming them for a long time, several months, but for some reason I didn't think you really knew them. You may very well have! You're getting better at your colors and can name most of them most of the time. You had your first haircut, which was a breeze, and a dentist appointment. They just looked in your mouth and brushed your teeth. You needed a little bit of encouragement, and finally with the bribe of a balloon, you did all they asked of you. We also changed your bed into a toddler bed and now you'll wake up in the morning, around 8:30, and play until 10 before asking for us. It's pretty fun to listen to you on the monitor, reading books, talking to your animals and dolls, opening and emptying all of your drawers, rubbing things along the metal vent in your room, buzzing the door stopper, and pushing buttons on your musical toys. And daddy loves the extra sleep you give him! I tried to potty train you one morning, but you didn't like to take your panties off. You would keep sitting on the potty so you could get an M&M, but you wouldn't try and go for two of them by going potty. We went to Build a Bear and you made a bear for your sister, talking into the sound box for her, and I made one for you. You picked out panties for your bear to wear, and I was hoping you'd be really excited about Teddy and take her to the potty with you. You also picked out a pink bathrobe for her. But the next day when we put your panties on, you didn't care much about the bear at all, or the potty. Maybe someday you'll like Teddy, and hopefully you'll want to use the potty. You had one accident in your panties, and when you went down for you nap, I put your diaper back on and haven't taken it off yet.

You have been absolutely amazing to Bryn. You're very thoughtful of her throughout the day and ask to see her, hold her, kiss her goodnight or goodbye. You put blankets on her and give her pacis or toys when she's sad, tell her "it's okay" when she cries. You'll also tell me and daddy when you hear her, saying "sister crying." You're so sweet! Daddy and I were talking and we decided that you can't teach someone to care the way you do, and to be thoughtful and considerate of other people's feeling the way you are. You're an amazing little girl, a two-year old girl no less. I can't believe how well you share! When you have friends over, you'll let them have your toys, and I've taught you to cheer for them when it's their turn. So little Roman was on your jumping zebra the other day, and at first you were looking like you might want him off, but then you started clapping and saying, "yay Ro Ro!" I can't believe that a)you learned that so quick and put it to use on your own, and b)you have such self control! Don't get me wrong, it's not always a breeze with you, but you have such amazing qualities in your personality that it is such a joy being with you, even when you're not on your best behavior.

You really like to be in control of most things right now. You like to pick which direction we walk, tell me if you want to sit or stand, what you want to drink, what you want to do, play, or watch on t.v., when you want to eat, and you like to change your mind just to see what happens. Daddy and I don't care much either way, and we try to let you think you're in control by offering you choices. But sometimes I think you figure that out, and it frustrates you. Then you'll throw a tantrum just to throw it, because you can and because it wasn't one of our choices. And sometimes you just can't have your way, and so the tantrums come. Everytime we go outside on a walk, we look for all the puppies we can find, search for flowers in the winter grass, count mailboxes, and then play tag in the common area. You never want to come in, and you'll spend about 5 minutes on the floor by the front door crying when we have to. I just let you have your moment, and soon enough you'll come closer to us and your crying will die down to a couple pouts and fake sobs. Then I'm able to distract you and we can have fun again. The trick with you is to let you have your time, because nothing will make you happy until you're ready for it. I still have my secret rule that your nap isn't over until you wake up happy. The few times daddy or I have broken it and gotten you thinking we could cheer you up ended up with temper tantrums, lots of high pitched "no's", frustration and you back in bed. It only took about 5 minutes of alone time before you were back to normal, playing happily in your room, and excited to see us again. If we wait for you to be happy, the days are a breeze!

I love everything about you, your tempers and your laughs, your frustrations and your dancing. I couldn't ask for anything more.

I love you,
Mommy

Bryn

1 Month old...

My sweet Bryn... I am in love with you. Like I've needed you in my life all along. I don't know how it is that I thought my heart was full of love for your daddy and Brea, but it grew to be full of love for you too. God is an amazing Father, and I know now that He does love us all the same, each one of us, from the beginning to the end. His heart just keeps growing. I love your millions of sounds- gurgles and grunts, hiccups and cries, squeaks and sighs. I love how you stretch your arms, wrinkle your forehead and squish your nose when you wake up from your naps. I love how your yawn is a little crooked...how your breath is so sweet...how your eyes are so round and blue...how your head bobbles around as you look back at me... I love how your fingers grip mine so tightly, so comfortably as you nurse...how you wiggle sideways on my chest and turn your face toward mine...I love how you make an "ooo" shape with your lips like you're in awe of your surroundings...how your face scrunches when your mad or hurting...and how your eyes move around and crack open and shut as you dream. I just love watching you. Everything about you. I love, but do get frustrated, that you can be sound asleep in my arms and even as I wrap you tightly in your blanket and put you in your bouncer, but the second I turn over and get tucked into bed, you wake up and start to cry. I guess I love that you're so comfortable in my arms. That I am your protector, and your heater, and your mommy, and your observer, and your admirer. That with me you feel secure and loved, and when I put you down, you know. I don't know how you know, but you do. Every time. I love when you're so wide awake, and those big, round eyes look back at me, searching my face, my eyes, my mouth. I just talk to you, and sing to you, and you are content to watch me and squeeze my finger. I love that I have to burp you for what seems like forever before your belly feels better. I love that you can soak through a bib within a couple minutes of putting it on. I love that no matter how long I wait after I feed you to get you dressed, you will still spit up on your clean outfit. I love that you love a warm bath and it will make you relax instantly. I love that you have mine and your papa's eyebrows and that you have your daddy's eyes and nose. I love that you kind of look like your sister but you're different somehow. I love that I'm going to get to know you, and love you even more, with every new day. I love that you won't sleep laying flat on your back, you have to be inclined. I love that you'd be perfectly content sleeping in your daddy or my arms if we let you- and sometimes we do, just so we can sleep a little. I love that when I want you to sleep, you don't, and when I don't mind either way, you do. I love that you have a mind of your own, even now I can tell. I love that your sister thinks of you often, and wants to see you and hold you, without our prompting. I love that you will be loved by her, and looked after by her, even when nobody asks. I love that she brings you pacis and blankets and toys when you cry. I love that she tells you it's okay when you're mad. I love that you are loved by her. It might be one of the greatest gifts I've been given, two little girls, two sisters who will be there for each other in the thick of it all, when no one else understands, when no one else has the same perspectives, when no one else has the same beliefs, you will have each other. It's a gift to you as well, to both of you, and I pray that you will both understand the significance of one another. My heart aches with an overwhelming amount of love. Sometimes I cry just to express it, to make it seem real, to feel it. I wish I could contain it, or grasp the magnitude of it to show you someday. I think you'll only know when you have a second child of your own. It's magical. You can't imagine loving anyone as much as you do your first child. Really. You can't. But you do! And love so much that it hurts! I am so thrilled with my life, I wish these moments could stay fresh in my mind forever, so that I could look back upon each one and relive the overwhelming feelings that I had. Maybe writing them all down will help. I will try for your sake. I want you to know the depths of my love. I want you to know that our God must love you even more than I, which I can't imagine. My little Bryn, know that I love you, and this first month with you has been precious. It's a blink of an eye though...

Love,
Mommy