Toddler beds and Two-Year Tantrums

August 2009

My Baby Bryn,

You're growing up! Today we turned your crib into a big girl bed! You were really excited and kept climbing in and out of it. Right now you're not sleeping like you should be, but you're having fun playing in your room. As of now you can't open doors, so you're still sort of stuck. You've also been wanting to use the potty the last week. You've pooped two times in it and tinkled twice! I'm so proud of you! I've tried letting you go around naked, but you've had accidents, so I'm not sure what to do. You say, "Moooom-my, i utago poooo-pooo" every couple minutes and I'm not liking this taking your diaper on and off after the 20th time. You're talking really good! There's not much you don't say, and you definitely know what you want. Tantrums are a recent, terrible thing these days. You go limp and seriously scream and cry and if you have something in your hands you shouldn't have you grip it with all the strength you can muster. Meltdowns happen more and more frequently and you're not as distractable as you used to be. It's fun to push you around on Brea's tricycle, and you're so close to being able to push the pedals by yourself. Right now you're a little uncoordinated.

I smile when you open your peanut butter sandwiches and lick them 'til their gone, when you say "hi", "day-du", and "bye-bee" to everyone you see. You're very polite. And the bagger at the grocery store the other day got a kick out of saying "you're welcome" fifty times as you waved and thanked him over and over while we walked out. You reached up and held a woman's hand who was showing us where to go yesterday. She fell in love with you. Every where we go people mention your beautiful blue eyes. You make me laugh when you jump because you just barely get off the floor now (took a lot of practice) and you're so proud. You have been singing songs that you learned in the car throughout the day. Pretty voice you have. And you LOVE to read books. You like to keep bringing me a book at a time and sit on my lap to read it. Then about halfway through you get bored and take it away to get another one.

For our last trip to California you had a lot of fun playing with your cousins. You love Lyla and kept saying her name and trying to give her kisses. You were a little bossy when it was just the two of you, which was funny to see. It seems that whoever is the oldest in any situation quickly takes on the bossy role. I love to watch you interact. You and Chester were precious. I think he and Papa were your favorites on that trip. You definitely have a thing for Papa! You'd always be looking for him when he wasn't there, and you'd call his name when he wasn't with us, almost like you were worried that we forgot him. It's fun to see that especially when it happens right off the airplane, and you hadn't seen him for a couple months. Cute. And the beach was a novelty for you. This time I took you in the deeper water and we jumped over waves. You played football with us in the sand and got mad when the big people wouldn't throw to you each time.

I love you! I love that you laugh great big giggly laughs when I tickle you and I love how you still huff when I chase you around the house. I love when you snuggle with Brea and how you look at her with such adoration and love. When you wake up and say "Bay" I know that you missed her through the night and I am glad. She loves you too and you girls play absolutely perfectly together. Brea helps you and encourages you, and you do the same for her- cheering for her when she goes potty, and tucking her in at night. I love that you close every door around and often close yourself in them too. I laugh when you lock yourself in the pantry and when I open it you're playing contentedly with the food and hand me something to eat. I cringe when you share your mushy food with me, but I eat it anyway because you're pretty relentless and stubborn. I am amazed at how you can dip a chip in hot salsa and fuss, then do it again and again making the same awful look throughout lunch. I love drawing with chalk with you because you make a mark wherever anyone else does. Almost like you mark your territory. HA! And every time we open the garage door you climb in the bike trailer- but it's been soo hot lately that I have to say no most times. Poor baby. I love that you try to get dressed, and you try to balance when you put shorts on, but fall every time. I laugh when you put other people's shoes on and walk around in them- you have a shoe fetish already. Every day I love you and every day you make me laugh out loud. I'm sad when you grow bigger and want to be independent, but I am proud of you and love the little girl you are becoming.

I love you,

Mommy

"Sweetie"

My "Sweet" Brea,

You continuously crack me up! And every time I tell you that you're silly, funny, goofy, or weird, you never fail to suggest that I call you "Sweetie" instead. You'd think I'd learn, but I have not. You've created a new language, where you try to speak "adult" and in the middle of a fast-spoken sentence you just add some gibberish to throw me off. And your hands gesture and twist and turn all over the place. Then you'll add, "OK, mom?" in a stern voice. Usually you're giving me directions or teaching me something. You're quite the little boss every once in a while. But most times you're so helpful and you teach Bryn lovingly and playfully. The two of you get along so well, it makes me smile. Your favorite things to play with Bryn- jumping on your bed, wrestling each other, playing chase, and pushing stollers. I love to hear your conversations, because although Bryn can talk and tell us what she wants, she mostly just says, "k"," yeah" or "no". and that's fine with you. She thinks of you all the time, and she'll do sweet things for you too, like bringing down your blanket and puppy for you. And that's a HARD job for her to do! You've been taking gymnastics this summer, and I love to watch you in your classes. You do very well, and know how to do all the things the teacher asks of you, but a lot of the time you're in your own world. It's funny because it looks like you're not paying attention, but when it's your turn to do something you perform it well. You do the best on the trampoline, and I think it's your favorite. We're going to take a break from gymnastics while you start school, and maybe start dance this winter. We'll see.

I think you're most favorite thing to do is snuggle. You would be content if daddy or me just cuddled up with you on the couch and held your hand. And when you sit with me, every once in a while you'll look up at me, so sweetly and purposefully, and rub my cheek with your soft little hands, and then rub my arms. Then you'll say, "Mommy, I love you" and put your head under my chin to rest some more. You are so gentle and loving, I think that touch is your love language. It's how you express your feelings ;) And I love it! You are also very sentimental though. Yesterday we changed your room into a big girl room, with a full-sized bed! Your new bedspread has little pockets in it and I tucked a love note into one for you to find. You kept it right beside you, saying that you wanted to keep it there in case you wanted to look at it in the night. I love that you love that kind of stuff ;) I hope that you'll like all of these love letters that I'm writing you here then. Today we painted some paintings together for your walls, and you're very proud of them ;) You did a great job! Another sentimental project I get to do with you.

You're learning your letter sounds, and know most of them. You don't really understand what it means though. You don't really get beginning sounds yet. You'll say, "buh, B, is for carrot!" and things like that. I'm sure it'll come, and you notice letters all around and ask all kinds of questions. You've been drawing letters more lately, and I'm surprised at how well you can make them. Your drawing and coloring have really improved- you stay in between lines better, change up the colors, and you add in details like eyes, noses, and shoes. It's not always something more than a squiggle, you still do that, but sometimes I can actually make out what you're drawing. At the grocery store you like to push Bryn in the little shopping carts, and you do pretty well not running into everything. But you do look at EVERYTHING! It's funny to see the things you notice and stop to check out. When we drive in the car you are very curious about the store names that we're going to, and you remember the names when we go back. You know Target (good girl!) and Kroger, and the doctor's, dentist... I'm surprised at your sense of direction too- you really do follow along where we drive and can guess where we're going.

You have been singing songs a lot lately- making them up and singing ones you've heard in the car. It's funny to hear you and Bryn sing the same song. I LOVE it!! Your favorites have been the letter "N" song, "Every Step I Take", and "My Little Pony" theme song. Cute. And your bedtime prayers are precious! You always start off by Thanking God for this "beautiful" day, or another adjective that's completely emphasized. And then you tell Jesus how much fun you had, or thanking Him for letting you play with _____, and you just recite your favorite things from the day. At the end you'll ask to protect daddy if he's not at home, and you say, "I love you, Amen". Every prayer is different, and every one is special. On Saturday, we were driving and you were talking about how Jesus lives in your heart and you said that you wished He could come out so you could see Him. Ha! But I was again surprised at how much you knew. I think they really are teaching you some great things at Sunday School! You told me that you just asked Him to come live in your heart and He said, "Okay" and came in! You said it so matter of fact! Needless to say I was proud and excited! Whenever you and I have talked about it in your room you've always ended up asking a question completely off the wall and so we switched topics. I've never really pushed the topic, just answered questions as they came up, and mentioned things here and there throughout the day.

I love everything about you, and your quirky little ways. You very much like to help clean, especially if I let you spray the cleaner. Sometimes you can go a little overboard ;) You're very much a pleaser, and really want to help out and show us that you can do things all by yourself. You love to surprise us with presents, or the things you accomplished on your own. You love to put your artwork on the refrigerator. Your favorite snack might be goldfish with marshmallows and care-bear fruit snacks. You hate getting your own water out of the refrigerator. You are very moody when you're out of your comfort zone, and it's hard to get you out of it. If you've made up your mind to be shy, or moody, then that's what we get. Consequences don't always work to deter you, but after you've had a time-out you'll usually come out with a complete mood change. I realize that most things have to be done by your choice, and so I work hard at manipulating it that way ;) Someday you'll learn that you always did what I wanted you to. You love to have random birthday parties and daddy buys you cupcakes for these events. I always let you pour sprinkles on your pancakes. You don't like syrup covering your pancakes you'd rather did them in it. If you accidentally get woken up from a nap.... it's pretty much a ruined day ;) You only like cheese pizza. You only eat the frosting off a cake. Vegetables and you don't mix without a fight or a hiding. You don't like to sleep with anything else but your puppy, Melman (although he's not as important these days to you), a pillow and your soft blanket. No sheet or bedspread will ever stay on your bed through the night. No matter how many time I try to explain about right and left shoes and how the velcro goes, you have to ask every time ;) You hate Band-Aids, even the cute kind. You're starting to negotiate the rules and directions...."How about....?" and I get nervous. Although you always fight me about trying on your new clothes, you love to show daddy your new outfits. You love to "do" your hair and will splash water on it from my bathtub, or spray it with a spray bottle, then you'll "scrunch" it- it really just looks like clumpy wet patches on a mostly dry head, but you get so proud when we tell you you look beautiful. Then you'll "do" my hair. I love it! We let you wear "lipstick" that is really cherry chap-stick and you constantly look in the mirror and tell us how beautiful you are. Once again...I love it! I love everything about you, your quirkiness, your moodiness, your sweetness and your cuddliness! I hate being away from you, and now that I'm taking more pictures and working a little more at home, you are so understanding and lovely to me. We always make time for each other so we can hang out and make memories ;)

Love,

Mommy

August 2009

Sweet, sweet Brea... April 5, 2009

Brea,

My sweet Brea. I don't know if any other word could possibly describe you better. I might start all my posts with that, but it is the most accurate definition of you. Ultimately, you are so thoughtful and sweet I can't even grasp it! You're all the things I wish I could be... you share your best toys, your best ice cream, jelly beans, presents with me, daddy and Bryn. You think of our needs and try to meet them. You are sweet beyond your years. You have moments where you don't want to share, but ultimately, you do nice things for other people.

You are asking some pretty in depth questions lately, like what are cocoons, and why doesn't lightning happen when it's not rainy or dark skies... You have a great memory, and will pick up on things I thought would be over your head. But you will think about them for awhile, and at a later time you'll pull out a word I said and use it in a sentence. Iit doesn't always make sense... and sometimes you'll say a big long mumble with a few big words in it-almost like you're babbling again! But you'll expect an answer or say, "right, mom?" You have been on a time thing lately, for awhile it was about the hour, and now it revolves around mealtimes or last night, this morning, yesterday, tomorrow... It's the funniest that you don't quite get it right... We'll be eating lunch and you'll say what a great dinner it is (that would be your peanut butter and jelly sandwhich...) Or you'll talk about something that happened at any point in the past as "last night". It's just that you're so serious, and adult like in your conversasions that I get a kick out of it! The last few days you've talked about how I woke you up in the middle of the night "last night" to see the lightning storm. It really happened a week ago, but it cracks me up. You're learning so much and trying to use it all!

We've been playing outside the last few days because the weather has been amazing. You ride your tricycle and Bryn will push her stroller around. There's a few other girls who have been out there, one is Lily, she's 5, and the other two are twins and I think about 8ish. Anyway, they ride their bikes around, and asked you to play. At first you pretended to be shy, but after we "learned" their names (which we forgot instantly) you were like, "Okay girls! Let's go!" and you took off on your bike and they all followed you, like a bunch of swaggering turtles trying not to fall off their bikes because it was so slow. They let you lead for about 2 laps around the common area before they sort of dispersed and got off their bikes. I was surprised at how you took charge and the way you spoke to them. You were a bit bossy and were talking to them like you were all grown up! At times I was a little weirded out, like I didn't know this side of you! Then you ran off to go see "your" puppy at the end of the grass and the girls took charge of Bryn. Funny, funny! The way you change!

You still love to snuggle and I can curl you up and you just fit in my arms perfectly. Like you haven't grown at all. You look at me with such adoration, and reach up to stroke my face. Then you crinkle your nose, kind of like your Great Grandma Huddleston did (maybe I do it too?) and give me a puppy dog kiss (rub noses). Sometimes I feel like you soothe my soul, you show me love so tenderly, so thoughtfully. You mean it. I can't explain it, you just know how to show your love. And speak it too. You speak such kind words to me, daddy and Bryn. At night in Bryn's room, you'll start her mobile while I lay Bryn in her crib and then you wait for me to leave her room first and as you close her door you say, "Goodnight Bryn. Love you, Sweet Dreams. Both of you." (I don't know who else you mean, but EVERY night you say those words and close her door quietly. When she cries at night, or in the morning you'll sing her songs. You talk to her and soothe her. She adores you. You ask, "Mommy, can I hold my sister?" or, "my Bryn?" Sometimes I'll have you go potty as I lay Bryn down, and you'll say, "don't forget to turn Bryn's music on, okay?" And then you'll meet me at the door to close it and offer your well wishes.

You're imagination is growing, and you're a different character each day. It's either Melman from Madagascar or Bambi, but you switch it up daily. Somehow you don't forget who you are, even though the only thing that seems to change is your name. You don't move like a giraffe or deer, "talk" like them or anything. I manage to forget your "name" by the second it seems. I never realized how often I said your name until I got, "Gloria!" (oh... that's me, the hippo...) "my name's not BREA, it's MEL-MAN, okay??" You'd think I'd get it right!

We've been hanging out with your preschool friends more often the last couple weeks, and you seem to really enjoy them. I'm not surprised at your friendliness, but I am surprised at how un-shy you're starting to become. I've always known it was a fake shy, an act if you will, but you don't usually snap out of it if I'm around and it's a new place. Anyway, we were at the arboretum with your preschool friends, and at one point we stopped for a kindermusik show, where all the kids interact and "fly" like birds, twirl, dance, and sing. You went right up to another little girl we didn't know and held her hand and played ring around the rosies with her. You called her "my friend" the whole time. It was cute.

You've been doing some pretty daredevilish stuff lately... Like climbing up on Bryn's crib and jumping onto the "ball-less ball pit." You aren't as afraid of water anymore. Tonight we went in the spa and you would put your face under the water and hold your breath when we asked. Not a whole bunch, but you're getting better. You jumped off the side without a fight this time. Fun! You like jumproping, although you really just jump over a stationary rope. I want to get a hopscotch drawn for us out front, I think you'd have fun with that now. We tried skating, but that only lasted a few minutes before you were bored. I basically held you and pushed you forward, so I wasn't upset for that to be over.

School's going great, your teachers adore you! Mrs. Theresa can't get enough of you. Lately you've been falling asleep there, and it's so sweet. Bryn will crawl over you to wake you up and then you'll just hug her neck until she can't breathe and manages to push you away- lovingly of course ;) ha! On the way home you'll ask, "how was your day, mommy?" Oh, so sweet! Sometimes you're talkative and will answer questions about your day, but other times you need a bit of a rest in your room before you want to hang out. You are so proud of the pictures and crafts you make, and tell everyone that you made it just for them! It makes a person feel good, even if you made if for everyone! You always want people to feel happy! You don't really fall asleep at home for naps on a regular basis. You still need your time alone, and you play in your room contetedly- though sometimes destructively... Sometimes you'll finally crash at 4, when it's too late to go to sleep... Oh well. You dress yourself entirely, and even pick out your clothes sometimes. We're trying to be better about cleaning up, and though you're good at putting things where they belong, you don't always clean up after yourself. Me and daddy aren't very good at that either...

I just am amazed by you. Your love and tenderness are so honest and genuine. It's really like you connect, like you look deep into my eyes and really mean the sweet things that you say. I just can't explain it right. I am in love with you, you are a great daughter, with an amazing spirit and love for life. You want to do good for others, and you want to please. My baby, I would be pleased with you no matter what you do! God's love shines right through you, and you have an amazing gift!

I love you,

Mommy (or Gloria )

My little Trickster 14 1/2 months

Bryn, 4/5/09

My little trickster! You have such a funny personality! You love tricking me, by running toward me for a sec when I ask you to come, then turning around, laughing as you run away. When you get far enough, you'll start to come back, but never close enough for me to reach you before you laugh and run away again.

You answer our questions with a "Ya." It's really quite helpful, and most often you tell us what you want. Sometimes we'll ask you something funny and you still say, "ya!" and we just laugh. You shake your head for no, and nod your head too. I love this new way of communicating. You just got your 4th bottom tooth, so you're even again on the bottom. Just waiting for the opposite top one to come in.

You count to 3, sometimes 4. It's not entirely legible, mostly the tone that you do it in helped me know what you were saying. Just like we throw you up high on the count of 3, or toss you on the bed, it sounds like that. So fun!

At most times throughout the day you have two stuffed animals in your hands. It doesn't necessarily matter which ones, but mostly it's a cat/kitten and a bunny or puppy. Makes me smile. And you toddle around, lugging them everywhere you go. You tuck them into the baby crib, feed them food and bottles, rock and pat their backs. You're a great little mommy. We've been playing a lot outside, and you'll push them in your stroller while Brea rides her tricycle. The neighborhood girls have taken a liking to you, and have found it their mission to "help" you walk and ride Brea's bike. They push you around, and hold your hands. Sometimes you get mad and pull your hands back, but mostly I think you like the attention. The girls who are usually outside are 5 and two 8 year olds. Brea's kind of the leader of that pack right now. I never knew she had it in her. You may give her a run for her money though :) I have a feeling you're not going to stay in the back for long. But really, you and Brea continue to play really well. You share with her, and she shares with you. You both want to do what the other one does, and though it can get a bit touchy, so far it's working out and you're both fairly patient. Right now you two play very well upstairs together, and I can work on my photography downstairs. I hear you in the monitors laughing and talking to each other. You both like jumping in your ball pit (which is now just like an air mattress). You're getting into reading stories more, and you'll bring them to me, and sit in my lap. Any time I'm on the floor, you walk over to me, turn around and back up until you sit on my knee. LOVE IT! Most of the time you don't last through 2 pages of a book before you're off finding a new one, or into something else. But you have at least been picking them up and looking at them more on your own.

You have moments where you're very defiant, and I'm trying to figure out if that's your personality, or you're just trying to see what happens when I say no and you do it again. But you touching my computer has been a big thing lately. And as you look at me after I tell you "don't touch, that's not for Bryn," you'll slam your hand down on it again and again until I can get to you. Inside I laugh, but I'm sort of freaking out. I don't know how to handle it! So you've been in several time outs for that, and hitting me (mostly after I tell you no), and for throwing food. The timeouts are pretty unproductive, but I guess they have to start somewhere. I sort of sit you facing backwards to me and have to hold your thighs so you stay sitting, but you think that's funny or maybe a bit ticklish. You go from laughing at me to being mad that you're stuck. I try not to look at you, but I'm inches from your face and you'll throw yourself backwards into my lap. Yeah, I don't think I'm getting through. I'll have to work on that ;)

You follow me around most of the time, especially downstairs. You close all the doors we go in and out of, close the dryer door as I'm trying to fill it, and the diswasher as I load it up. You throw the close that I've folded in piles, and empty the drawers that I've fill up. You also try to swish around the food that I've swept into mounds. It's pretty funny! You manage to be in the middle of most things, and it makes me smile (sometimes I have to try harder than others). Sometimes I wonder how there can be so much to play with, and you always find the things that are a bit off limits-like the remote. But I love you to bits, and you keep me on my toes!

In the car you sing songs, and I love your sweet little voice. You just make up songs, I don't think they are real words, but there usually isn't a recognizable tune either. You just sing. Love it!!! You do sing night-night Bryn...or at least the night-night and hum the rest. It's definitely a recognizable tune, and you have several verses. For a while when you heard music you would open and close your mouth real wide, moving your tongue around but no sounds would come out. You would even bob your head up and down, side to side. Mostly now you "sing", but I do catch you faking it sometimes. You say, when you choose to, thank you, all done, bye-bye, night-night, mommy (though you usually call me mAA!), Brea is recognizable to us, but I'm not sure how to describe how you pronounce it. You know animal sounds... I'm sure there's other words...

You're able to climb onto Brea's bed (she taught you) and Granna and Papa's bed too. Not yet the couches, but you try desperately. I have seen you downstairs when I know you were upstairs, but have yet to witness how you did it. When I'm around you want me to hold you... Brea says she taught you how to scoot on your bottom. I've tried to show you how to do it on your belly, but so far you just go back up when you turn over. It is how you get down from the beds and fireplace step though, so maybe...

Overall, I adore you right now, at this age, and I could bottle you up and savor it forever. I've thought it all along, but you're just so fun! You get so excited about the little things, like chasing balls outside, and swinging, and touching trees or flowers. You love running and animals. I think sometimes you may hyperventilate when you see an animal and we can't get there soon enough for you. You love catching the bathwater and snuggling and tickles. You love raspberries kisses and swinging. You love pulling wagons and pushing grocery carts. You love your blanky and have to sleep with your stuffed animal friends. You talk to them at night and in the morning. You call for Brea when you wake up, and you're first on her lips when she wakes up. She sings you songs from her bed if you cry. She closes the door to your room each night and says, "Goodnight Bryn, sweet dreams, love you, sleep tight, both of you (I don't know who else she means, but she says it that way EVERY night). It's the sweetest thing I've ever known. I wanted my girls to be best friends, and at this moment, the love you have for each other is in your soul. It binds you. You share your treasured snacks and candies with each other, you share toys, you look for her around the house when she's at school, and you run to her when we pick her up. You have this excited, fast-fake breathing that I've taught you- we do it as we run up the stairs when we're trying to catch Brea, or when we chase each other around the couches, or when I put cold lotion on you after your bath, or when we knock on Brea's door in the mornings... But you also do it when I ask you if we should get Brea. And you'll run to her as you "hyperventilate" it's pretty funny! I'm in love with you, and I couldn't be happier! You are a precious gift from God, and I'm a lucky mommy!

Big Girl, Brea

My Brea,

You are 3 years old now, and what a difference it makes! You're cute 'cause you say, I'm 3 and hold up 4 fingers. Love YOU!! I'm not kidding, though, on your birthday you were like a new kid! You wanted to get your own water downstairs, so we put the cups in the bottom cupboard for you and are letting you fill it up in the refridgerator as long as we're there. You open the refridgerator and just get food out to eat- I'm not sure about that one, but now it's kind of just cute. You randomly open the fridge and say things like, "hmmm... what should we have for dinner next week?" Ha! At naptime you figured out how to move your bathroom stool to Bryn's room, climb into her crib with your blanket and pillow and hang out. (It was funny at first... but since then, I've had to put the safetylock back on your doorknob). You helped me hang up clothes on hangers- all by yourself. At Chuck E Cheeses you didn't want help doing anything, and you would just take some tokens and go play. So WEIRD!! And you became completely independent when it came to getting dressed that night- you kept saying, "I can do it, I can do it!" and would accept no help. You took your clothes off all by yourself (and listened well when I would verbally help you get your arm out of your shirt before you flipped out) and put pajamas on (inside out, ha!). You've been getting dressed ever since. You even change on your own, into different pajamas, at naptime. And then, all the sudden, you said, "Oh! I have to go poo-poo!" and ran to the potty, sat down and went! Like you've been doing it your whole life! CRAZY!! I just sat there stunned! That had been our biggest struggle lately, just getting you to go, period. In your diaper, panties, or toilet, I didn't care. Just that you didn't hold it for a week. 'Cause that was torture for you. You'd hold it for about a week, and then you struggled all day because you had to go so bad, but were afraid to go. So instead of going, you'd just sit down all day. If you had to walk anywhere, you'd hold your bum and cry. It was awful. That had been going on since about Thanksgiving. Until you turned 3! Then, you not only didn't hold it, you put it in the POTTY!!! I've never been so excited about poo before! Ha! We got Bryn out of bed and went to the toy store, because even though you wouldn't poop for a bribe, you still wanted that toy I had been promising you!

I'm learning, slowly, but I am, that you do things on your time table. I need to remember that so I can avoid the frustration that comes along with it. And as long as it doesn't matter in the scheme of things (your safety's not at risk, etc....), I need to be okay with it and just learn to guide you in the right direction so that you'll know what to do when you're ready. It's easy as a mom to want to simply tell you what to do, but in your case it's more productive to teach you, then let you do it when you're ready. I can understand that because that's EXACTLY like me. I could not be bribed, coerced, made to do anything... It's a fantastic quality in a sense because you'll deal well with peer pressure and you can stick to what you believe in. You won't be swayed. But it can also be harmful if you become too stubborn to listen to other sides of a story. Or when you won't do what's asked of you in everday situations- like eating, cleaning... I've learned too, that if I tell you that you have to do something, you won't do it. It's a screaming, throwing temper tantrum. But, if I just leave a plate of food in front of you, and say "You don't have to eat it, only if you're hungry," I only have to wait about 30 quiet seconds before you start to eat. In the big things, like potty training, it always seems like when I'm at the point of frustration with you and completely out of patience, that you're just around the corner from where I'm hoping you'll be. If I can just give you a little more time than I had planned on, you'll be ready. I need to remember this...

On your birthday we bought you a CD player, and you dressed up in your old tutu and danced to Psalty for me. It was the sweetest thing! I loved watching you dance, and your little twirls and kicks. Perfection. Then you started singing, "Say to the Lord I Love You..." My heart, my heart. You are my heart. I LOVE YOU!!

Milestones...

I'm just updating some dates...

July 1, 2008 Sitting up at 5 1/2 months, perfected July 11 (almost 6 months)

September 15, CRAWLING!! almost 8 months

January 2, 2008 Standing up 11 1/2 months Falling a couple steps

Birthday Bryn

January 9, 2009

This month you'll be one, and I feel sad. I love you to bits, and you're so much fun! You still are a baby to me, but I look back and see how much you've grown and I feel sad. I know I say it over and over, but I just want to capture every moment, to box it up and savor it. To be able to recall at any given moment your smell, your giggle, your cry, and your little voice as it tries to make words. I worry that I can't, and I worry that I didn't capture it all in pictures or tapes. I know that I have, and I've done my best, but no matter what I do, time passes and you grow up. I sometimes wish life had a pause button or a rewind. I might use a fast forward during some nights that seem to make you sad and cry, but mostly I want to slow it all down. When I was little time seemed endless. I remember sitting in my room, supposed to be taking a nap and wishing I could be older so I wouldn't have to. It seemed like an eternity until Christmas every year, but now Christmas comes ever too quickly.

Tonight was a hard night, and you've had several the last couple weeks. I don't know if you're teething- which is highly possible, or if you're just gassy or just want to play and not sleep. But I rock you and we sing, you point out things in the dark and I whisper to you what they are. You speak in "sentences," not one word fragments, but several words put together undecipherably except a few mamas in between. I can tell when you ask a question by the intonation in your voice. You're learning so much and it's fun to see how well you listen now. About a month ago you would want to stand up in the bathtub and you didn't understand when I'd tell you "no," and that you'd have to get out if you didn't sit on your bottom. Several times in a row you had to get out early, and I didn't know if you understood why. But tonight in your bath, you started to stand up and I gently said "no, sit on your bottom please." And you looked at me, sat down, then grinned at me proudly. You also climb all the way up the stairs by yourself (we're behind you of course). That started last month. Today you snuck away, though, in a moment of confusion, and I followed your voice all the way upstairs to find you had closed the gate and were watching out the stair rails. You're really fast! A game you get excited about is when Brea chases us upstairs. You laugh and wiggle your arms and legs to speed me up. You like to catch Brea to, so I'll hold you in front of me and we'll chase her around. You crack up and I love it!

You' ve started throwing some temper tantums a bit. If Brea takes your toy you'll yell and hit your arms on the floor. And if you want something and we aren't fast enough or don't understand you'll yell too. You've started defending yourself a bit with Brea, and you'll push her away if you don't want her to touch you, or you'll take your toys back. Most of the time though, you're the one that gets picked on, so I'm glad to see you fending for yourself.

1st Christmas

December 2008

My Christmas Bryn,
You are starting to stand up alone, for a second longer each day, and a bit more stable. I lead you around, your hands reaching up to mine and we walk wherever you want to go. I try to sneak a hand back, but you stop walking, tilt your head back to look up at me and smile. Nothin' gets by you. You really like to be near me at all times. I think your favorite place besides in my arms is pulling yourself up by my pant leg and standing beside me. Many times you're only content with me holding you. You've been getting more clingy lately. This is new to me because Brea never went through it. It's easy to get frustrated, but when I stop what I'm doing and enjoying the moment with you, it's priceless. You snuggle so well, stretching your arms out to clutch my shoulders tightly like a bear hug. I rub your back and bottom and you rest your head under my chin. You smell so good, melded to my body and you're completley still and content. Your cheeks are perfectly kissable, so squishy and soft. I love them.

I love playing with you, and you talk constantly. Most things I cannot understand, and some I'm sure I just make up (but they sound great), but many are real words and are meaningful. You say "day-dew mama" a ton throughout the day, and I'm sure that it's "thank you mama" because it's always when I give you things. You even switch it to "day-dew Bay" when Brea shares. Sometimes Brea is pronounced absolutely clearly, other times it's not, but in context makes sense. You've said all done, yeah, bye-bye, hey, ruff-ruff, ba-ba or ba (bottle), puppah (puppy), Chester- perfectly clearly, grandma and papa, and more. It's fun. Constant chatter. You've started pointing now, which is neat because then I know what you want or are interested in.

Christmas was fun, you liked opening and ripping the wrapping paper. Your favorite toy may be the horse that Granna and Papa gave to you and Brea for early birthday gifts. You pet it and stroke its nose. You also like the farmhouse and animals you got from Granna and Papa and play with those while Brea plays with the dollhouse. You liked baby Stephen and were very interested in baby Lyla. I was surprised at how gentle you were when you touched them.

In general you like to do what Brea does, but you don't always like how she hugs and squeezes you. You are sharing a lot already, and you give Brea toys in the car and she'll give you some back. She also gives you food when you ask. You don't always understand or have patience for the way Brea plays with you, but you love her and she can make you laugh like no other. At night if you cry, I can hear Brea sing you songs and say, "it's okay, Bryn, I'm here, Brea's here." She'll sing "Bryn Elizabeth, I love you" and make up words as she goes. She mimicks me a lot of the time, and she definitely mothers you and wants to make you happy. It's sweet to watch your interactions together.

As always, I love you more than I can say,
Mommy